Disclaimer: This post is really gross. Read with your nose closed!

With efficient family planning,India is soon catching up with China.The popluation is exploding like little boy and fat man and the effects would be drastic( my eighth sense tells me so). A socio-sensual guy like me( the letters UAL is added for the glamour effect. do not drift away) would ofcourse be thinking about the nation all the time.

My eighth sense was triggerred a week back when i went to Chennai to spend the weekend with my old church-mates. ( May 26th 2007-saturday-5 am) . " Oh girl-John Lennon started singing" ( I am referring to my ring tone). My friend Winfred Chelliah was on the other end (Winfred happens to be an old horse and he is MCC Chappel Choir master).
Win: Hello
Chriz: Yes 
Win: Guess. Who is this!( Imagine someone saying this to you at 5 am)
Chriz: Dunno. I dun have the strength to guess
Win: Give a shot
Chriz: Usha Udhupth?
Win: Hey! am ur uncle da( i seriously do not like any one calling me DA)
Chriz: winfi?
Win: Yippeeeee( As if he had won the Golden Globe)
Chriz: Howideeeeee( My friend in college used to temme , that this kind of talk is used by the Yo -gen group)
Win: Doing good. Your dad told that you are in Chennai now
Chriz: Yes( i had other plans with my friends. i did not want him to fix any plans)
Win: There is a rock concert in YMCA grounds this evening. The strings would be good. Are you acoompanying me?
Chriz: ok! sure. me too going for the same this evening with my friends.

Soon it was evening. Four nuts got into the car, with the biggest nut on the wheel ( that is me). Soon we were in Ashok Pillar Signal. My sight got fixed on the four lions sitting back to back. MY eighth sense started working.
My thoughts went on a whirlwind( India-population explosion-India shining-wings of fire-mahatma gandhi-abdul kalam-rajaram mohan roy-sati-sania mirza-veerapaandiya katta bomman).And finally when the whirlwind stopped, i had the answer to the biggest ever question that is rackling everyone.



The biggest ever question:

At the current rate of population explosion, India would be filled with 200 crore people by 2012.
With the current toilet manufacturing rate which is 2 toilet/machine/day, the country would not have enough toilets to acommodate 200 crore bum's in times of crisis.

The Biggest ever answer

Applying rules of correlation and regression, only 185 crores of bums can be accomodated by the available resources at a single Go. So if four lions can sit back to back , Why can't four human beings do the same thing?
But care should be taken during the post-deposit-process.

-Chronic(saver)writer

Do you dream? or atleast have you saved anyone in your life? If not ,this inspirational story of mine would change ur life for ever.

 I had my first dream when i was just two months old. I used to dream about Israel-Palestine peace talks and also about world peace. I was so worried about the humanitarianism that even in my dream i used to strive hard for a green world. My heart used to be so heavy during such dreams that i used to cry non-stop. My parents had a tough time taking care of their two month old son who was busy dreaming about world peace. I even used to wet my bed during such dreams ( The concept of wet dreams evolved from one such incident). I even used to wet my bed when i grew up. The burden for the society was of such high degree.

 As days flew by, i became a dreamer and my dreams gained expertise and i started dreaming about botechnology, sociology, genetic science, archeology, business administration and before long i celebrated my first birthday. The burden in my heart was so much that i did not even have enough power to blow the candles in my birthday cake. My mother helped her genius son( that is me) in blowing the candles.

Days went by and i was in School. I was in kindergarden. My dreams had a disastrous effect because of a girl called Renu. She was also so much concerned about the society , cos she always cried in class. What a pair, we made! She cried during the day time and i cried in my sleep. 

She had lovely blue eyes and a pint size nose that oozed out Phlegm cos her nostrils did not have a stopper. Her lips were like those sugar coated strawberries( Now! Don't u go into a dreamworld! she is mine!!).She was taller than me though. But does size matter? Her hair was as soft like the brush we used to clean our toilet. ( Am i describing her in a obscene manner? Glad that we did not have any sexual harassment policies in kindergarden)

Every love story should have a villain. In our case, the villain came in the form of Shabir. He was the hero of the class because he was the only one who can chew a chewing gum without swallowing it. The girls were amazed at his wonderful chewing gum-chewing abilities. He used to defeat me round and square in academics also. My vocabulary was so limited then. according to me A was apple. But Shabir used to confuse everyone saying that A was for air-plane. When we were using chalk pieces and black slate boards for writing , he was the first one to use a note book and a pencil. To cope up with the ever increasing competition, i bought my first note book and pencil. I never knew how to hold a pencil. But who cares , cos now i had half the class's attention. Shabir could not take it any longer. He grasped my pencil and broke it into two pieces. Such actions were considered to be an act of bravery. Renu fell in instant love with him. I could not take it any longer. I started screaming at the top of my voice. My class teacher( on whom i developed an affection at a later point of time) rushed to the scene and instead of punishing him , she started thrashing my bum( cos possession of pencil in kindergarden was treated as a crime under the POTA kindergarden Act).Renu started avoiding me.

That night i had a dream. 



The whole school caught fire because of a cosmic explosion planned by Iraq and Iran. I started weeping cos i can see Renu caught between the flames. I ran as fast as my little feet could carry me and before long i was standing in front of the class. I opened the door with one powerful kick and searched for a fire extinguisher. But i could not find one in the near by surroundings. That night before hitting bed i drank lots of water and as the water tank was full, i decided to save my Renu by extinguishing the fire using the only resource available at that time. I did not give a second thought and with in seconds, I was performing the extinguishing act. Suddenly some one hit me hard on my back and i woke up to see my angry dad, closing the refrigerator with parting words “ stop peeing in the refrigerator”

 
-Chronicwriter

I first flunked in an exam when i was in class three.
Then it became an habit.
Cleared my engineering with a great base and the same effect had its implications on my MBA too.
Even at work i am kicked left right and centre when ever i fumble with presentations.
and when i thought it was THE END;I came across this Quote.

" I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career.
  I've lost almost 300 games
  I've been trusted to take the game winning shot 26 times and i missed
  I've failed again and again in my life and
  That is why i Succeed."
                - Michael Jordan 

Now i have a reason to fail.

Jokes apart!, it is indeed inspiring.

He is 165 cms tall.

He is Tamil, but has a Mallu connection.

He is extremely Funny.

Hold on.... I am not blowing my own trumpet.

I am talking about  Jamshed Velayuda Rajan  ...   Big characters come in small packages. He is India's second most funniest blogger.

Chronicwriter wishes Jammy to become India's funniest blogger so that i can fill his shoes and become the second funniest blogger. My shoe size is 8. I guess i can fill in ur shoes JAMMY! I do not mind even if it stinks, cos i am wearing mine for the past 17 years without socks..



- Chronicwisher